We’re literally in this together!
When you have a significant other who is “locked up” it is not just a trial for them….. It’s also a trial for you.
It has been about two years and counting since my husband has been absent from home, and it hasn’t been a cake walk!
I always tell him YOU ARE PHYSICALLY LOCKED UP BUT YOU’RE EMOTIONALLY FREE. I AM PHYSICALLY FREE BUT EMOTIONALLY LOCKED UP. There are good times I want to share with him, physically but I can’t. Places I want to go but I don’t, out of respect. There are tough situations I go through, I can’t call him, I have to wait for him to call me. It’s tough because at the time I’m going through something i want to confide in him because he’s my best friend, my confidant and there may not be any minutes on the phone and i can’t add any til next week because I paid bills.
Some days are cool, other days are emotional. His children miss him, his parents family and friends miss him. We all suffer, and I can’t even imagine what he goes through. Some of the stories he writes and tells me are so upsetting. But God has kept him the whole while. If I wasn’t a spiritual person I don’t know what I would do because often times I have to depend on the strength of the Lord.
Things are looking up now because we’re almost to the end of the road with this. He’s in better spirits and of course I’m in better spirits! But A few things I’ve experienced @ Love & Incarceration….
1.) You Have To Be Patient
When you REALLY love someone and they’re incarcerated, your Patience has to be supernatural! Because naturally… I have no Patience, but for Big Daddy…..I have learned to be and that’s key! When you know things are beyond your control and it’s a waiting game… Patience is definitely a virtue.
2) Prison Is Expensive
When you start to “invest” in the prison system you realize REALLY fast how expensive prison is! Between the jail calls, some charging $5 a call, taxes, and other fees cantene/books (which enables them to purchase essentials, clothing and other foods and snacks they wouldn’t get from the prison) stamps and envelopes for letters. It’s crazy! Just imagine having bills to pay & putting $100 on a Jail call just to be depleted in one or two days!
I’m sure every state is different, and every facility varies but my husband has been from Boston, MA to Louisiana to Texas and every visitation varies. Some places you can’t wear jewelry and anything too sexy. No skirts above your knee, no heels, nothing see through. Other places you can wear Jewelry, you just have to take it off to walk through metal detector. Its crazy! But it is nourishment to your soul to actually see and touch the person you love and interact with them in a manner of which you cannot over the phone.
When we were dating I don’t think I even had temptation! Yet since we’ve been married. The fact that he’s been away from home for soo long temptation has presented itself. My husband is very attentive to my needs. Very touchy feely. So being used to that & then going to nothing at all…. being sexually frustrated, alone, lonely, not being touched by him, or stimulated is definitely challenging. You wanna be strong and you don’t want to commit adultery, or betray and hurt your partner but there are days you do bask in a compliment from the opposite sex or may enjoy small talk. There’s a thin line between isolation and super friendliness. It’s not the point of wanting someone else as much as It’s a point of missing that manly interaction..
“I wonder how many men could hold it down like this if the shoe was on the other foot?”
I actually asked him that and he said he would be able to. I love my husband, and i trust him most times, but I don’t know how truthful that is! But our communication has definitely IMPROVED since his incarceration. We don’t even argue at all! Lol! Which I know is mainly because he wants to keep me in a good mood due to the fact he’s not here and doesn’t want to do anything that may cause me to drift in any direction. Which I wouldn’t anyway because I Cherish his emotions.
In conclusion some people may look at you and judge, thinking you’re a fool in love, and some people actually are fools in love without being incarcerated or without being with someone incarcerated. I believe if you’re dealing with someone incarcerated you have to look at how they treated you BEFORE they got locked up before you waste your money and time. If they treated you like crap before they will most likely treat you like crap after. But when you know you have met your soul mate…. It is a feeling you can barely express… You will go to the ends of the earth for that person. And the kicker is you know deep down inside they’d do the same for you.
Are we all enslaved to something? Someone? Somewhere?
Eva Fresh. Eva Ready. Eva Stush!